So, here’s the comedy video that I drafted for Three Legged Race. It’s unusual in that it’s the first video I’ve written that’s intended explicitly as video and that really couldn’t be done in some other format. It’s also completely wordless, although that’s really not that radical.
Also it will need some special effects work that I think I know how to do, at least in theory, but that I haven’t ever actually done. And I need to find one of those photo booths, the kind where you put in a couple bucks and get out a strip of a couple pictures.
I’m definitely planning to rewrite, because I think it’s incomplete. That’s more a quirk of the writing process than a failure of it. I started writing with just the goal of having a bunch of strange stuff in a photo booth. The story developed only about halfway through, and I’d like to make more of the strange stuff support it, or else strengthen some subplots.
Strange Things in the Photo Booth
MAN1 turns on the camera. He’s in the photo booth when WOMAN1 enters. MAN1 smiles for the camera. WOMAN1 goes to kiss him. MAN1 does not notice. He climbs over WOMAN1 to leave. A hand pats WOMAN1 on the head; she perks up and leaves.
MAN2 enters. He’s wearing a beanie and eating a hot dog. With the weiner in his mouth, he starts joyously headbanging, whipping the hot dog around. A camera flashes. This brings him back to reality. He feels dumb and leaves.
WOMAN2 enters. She’s holding a little hand-held bowling game. But it’s haunted. Almost immediately it starts shaking, and then it attacks her, closing around her neck. After a brief struggle, she collapses.
MAN3 enters. He looks down to see WOMAN2 on the ground and gives a sympathetic expression, but then it’s business time. He gives three distinct poses as the camera flashes, and then leaves.
Wispy ghosts fade in and wave around. WOMAN2, with a vacant expression, rises and waves around with them. Then, still zombified, she exits, hands in front of her. The ghosts fade out.
MAN4 enters, drinking from a plastic cup (or better, plastic pitchers). He sets it down. He is handed another cup from outside the booth, which he drains and stacks on top of it. This happens a lot of times until there’s a nice stack. He gives a thumbs up to the camera and departs.
WOMAN1 enters, lips first, and tries to kiss the stack… before realizing that they’re inanimate. She leaves, dejected.
MAN2 enters with two slices of American cheese. He puts them over his ears joyously. A camera flashes; he feels dumb and leaves.
The ghosts return. They knock over the cups and leave.
MAN4 enters. He looks down at the cups, grabbing them from the ground and desperately trying to drain any alcohol from them. WOMAN1 enters, trying to kiss him, but when she gets close she smells how drunk he is and leaves.
WOMAN2 enters, trying to eat MAN4’s brains. MAN4 reacts by trying to eat WOMAN2’s brains. They exit, canoodling.
MAN3 enters, posing once again. There is no flash this time. He pounds the photo booth a couple times. MAN1 enters to try to help. MAN3 is amazingly attracted to MAN1, who is completely ignorant to this; while MAN3 tries to kiss him MAN1 fixes the photobooth. The camera flashes as MAN3 lusts after an ignorant MAN1; then again as MAN1 offers MAN3 a handshake/high 5; and then again as MAN1 is exiting, triumphant while MAN3 is depressed.
The ghosts fade in, but almost immediately they stop waving, noticing MAN3, and flee in terror.
WOMAN2 enters, looking for brains, but runs away upon seeing MAN3. MAN3 chases after her.
MAN2 enters with some wet noodles that he uses to start slapping himself in the face, joyously. A camera flashes; he feels dumb and leaves.
MAN1 enters and sits perfectly normally for the camera. MAN4 and WOMAN2 enter and begin chowing on MAN1’s brains. MAN1 doesn’t notice. When three camera flashes have gone off, he puts some more money in for another round. MAN4 and WOMAN2 realize the futility and leave.
As the flashes start up again, MAN3 enters. But seeing MAN1, it’s awkward. Before the third flash, MAN3 has left, all without MAN1 noticing.
WOMAN1 enters, depressed. She sees MAN1 and pulls him out before sitting, supreme pain on her face.
MAN3 enters, and WOMAN1 gives an “oh, what now” look, and then buries her face in her hands. MAN3 takes out a carrot and mimes using it as a drill to drill into WOMAN1’s forehead, joyfully. WOMAN1 looks up and, after an instant of shock breaks into a bemused smile. Then she pulls out a couple of pieces of bacon and starts slapping MAN3 with them. Their eyes lock. The ghosts fade in, dancing jubilantly, and the zombies, or at least their hands, walk in offering flower bouquets. As they go in for a kiss, the music swells and the picture fades out.