FAWM Song 1: Where the Unicorns Are

\”Where the Unicorns Are\”

Here’s the first one… in all it’s confused, muddled glory.

PINCHAL:
Aathenaar isn’t known for much.
I’ve heard it’s a bit of a dump.
If the kingdom were a body
Then it would be the

EMMALINE:
Navel?

PINCHAL:
Rump.

It’s got no grand cathedrals
No nature to behold
They say the dining’s only fine
If you wish to dine on mold.

The baron is a tyrant
The stench is quite bizarre

EMMALINE:
Then why do you want to go there?

PINCHAL:
It’s where the unicorns are

EMMALINE:
Oh. There are nice things, too.

Every house is made of wood,
Or maybe dried-out straw.
The kids and cows will play outside
From the start of spring’s first thaw.

PINCHAL:
But… the unicorns?

EMMALINE:
Oh. I don’t know about that.

PINCHAL:
Have you been there?

EMMALINE:
Well, no. But I have a friend who… well, wants to.

WAJIDA
Aathenaar has gone awry
Its people need to learn how to defy.
If they would let me I’d be their ally
So much suffering I could rectify

EK
We’ve got the sun above us
And salty earth below.
I can keep fourteen percent
Of every single crop I grow!

BRANGE
Money Money Money

PINCHAL
A unicorn is mystical
Can inspire a career
And that is why I need to know
Will I find some here?

ZEB
They’re mean and awful nasty
Why doesn’t everyone agree?
Those bloody beasts should all be
Exterminated by me.

You’ll want to drown your sorrows!
EK
There’s a noble underclass
WAJIDA
And all the dragon attacks
WAJIDA and EMMALINE
Are now a thing of the past

PINCHAL
I hope that when I get there
I find in Aathenaar

ALL:
The happiest cleanest most industrious best protected most alkaline most heavily taxed fourth most pungent curiously alcoholic barony with a population of over 500 and under nine hundred and ninety nine in the entire kingdom!

That’s where the unicorns are!

BRANGE
Cash!

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