So, I just shared a hot tub with an old dude in a red bikini.
I went to the gym to use the hot tub. Not to work out, which I did before going to the gym, and which is probably another story. But after the workout, I decided it would feel good to sit in the hot tub for a few minutes, so I did. And there, lying on the side of the tub, was an old dude in a red bikini.
I didn’t realize it at first. I left my glasses in the locker, and I was tired and not at my most observant anyhow. I didn’t notice anything atypical until I was in the tub and had walked past him (the hot tub is long but narrow — almost as long as a five-lane pool is wide, with seats on each side but no room for anything but walking between).
And then, the little voice in my head that only seems to talk in this kind of situation started screaming: “That’s a dude!”
Even then, I wasn’t positive. He had a mannish frame, but age does tend to do that to women too. His baldness was typical male-pattern, which was a bit better of an indicator. Not really conclusive, though, in the face of the “wearing a red bikini” evidence.
It wasn’t a big bikini, either. Little top, just strings tied together holding the bottom together–you’d expect to see it on a 20-year old, which he, regardless of gender, was most definitely not.
Anyhow, at this point, I was still unconvinced of his duditude. I discretely took another seat on the other side of the hot tub. His arms weren’t shaved, but that didn’t completely convince me.
But that little bikini bottom definitely had a penis in it.
Curiosity satisfied, I retook my original seat. Because, really, there’s nothing wrong with an old dude in a bikini in a gym hot tub. You could even find it inspiring–someone comfortable enough with himself to defy convention in a blatant way, and in an environment that you wouldn’t necessarily expect to be welcoming of it. Or as a sign of progress: No one in the hot tub, or pool, or walking through on their way to the sauna, seemed distraught by the man and his bulging bikini bottoms.
Of course, it is a dude in a bikini, and, you know, that kind of image can really brighten up a day.